i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
