I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
