Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There r osticjed everywhere
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
