Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
