ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
