The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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