My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Randomize
