is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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