i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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