I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
what day is it and did you see me today?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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