So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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