He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
