i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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