We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
