Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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