Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
