I hate all girls vehemently.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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