I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
