Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
