Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
