He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
