I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
