Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize