Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
