I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
