Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
