Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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