I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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