I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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