I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
