oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
