mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
