Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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