another moral hangover. fuck.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
