If i come over, it means nothing
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.