He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?