Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.