He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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