you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
