She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.