That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
