ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
