i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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