Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Randomize
