there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
