i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize