More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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