don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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