She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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