Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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