I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
