On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
