They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
