I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
