i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
