Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You work out of a Hotel?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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