he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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