i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
