I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
