I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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