You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
