Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
