he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do vagina's smell?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
