did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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