So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
