Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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