Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
