Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
