in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
