If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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