i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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