You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
