i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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