Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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