I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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