You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
