She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
