i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
