update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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