She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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