i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
