Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
