my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize