did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
