Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
