Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
