stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
