No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
